Last week I shared with you one key strategy to navigate this minefield of dating. I suggested being curious and engaged in the early stages, but to be sure that you don’t invest too much. In this way you can minimize disappointment and heartache.
This week I’d like to share another strategy which is about your mindset – and to be aware of some of the self-sabotaging stories we tell ourselves.
Do you hear yourself saying:
- there are no good ones left
- all the good ones are either married or gay
- I can’t afford to be choosy
- time is running out so I’ll take whatever comes along
Can you see how you are coming from a place of scarcity with this thinking? How do you feel in your body when you say these phrases out loud? And what sort of person are you likely to attract?
How would things be different if you truly believed:
- I am beautiful inside and out
- I’m confident that my soulmate is out there and we will meet when we both are ready
- there are lots of potential partners out there
- I’m so clear in my value that I’m unwilling to settle
- I am the chooser!
Again, say these phrases out loud and notice how you feel. Grounded? Powerful?
We may try hard to “make things happen” but what I’ve learned is the most effective strategy is to continue to work on my own growth and evolution, and to do my part, but to understand that Divine timing is a big part of life. That means to have faith and trust that you WILL continue to be given all that you need.
I invite you over the next few weeks to notice what’s going on in your head. Are you coming from a place of negativity, scarcity and non-possibility or are you feeling confident and excited that your soulmate is on his way to you now? You may want to write out some affirmations to lock in this new way of thinking… and also keep in mind that you may need to do some work on yourself to really be ready for the kind of relationship you want.
A friend sent a link to a recent article in Maclean’s Magazine about women’s sexuality that I found fascinating: http://www2.macleans.ca/2013/06/22/the-two-year-itch/
Research indicates that our commonly held assumptions about women and monogamy might be off the mark! Is a woman’s low libido due to boredom? Libido often wanes in a committed relationship but is rekindled with a new partner.
What are the implications for committed, monogamous, long-term relationships? Tell me what you think!
As women, many of us are very critical of our bodies. We have an idea of what we “should” look like, and the belief that we are not attractive unless we conform to the cultural stereotype of beauty. I think this is starting to change and most of us realize that the models portrayed on the fronts of magazines have often been Photo-shopped. We have been trying to live up to an impossible ideal. Despite some increased awareness, millions and millions are dollars are made by companies who profit on perpetuating the belief that we need to look better in various ways.
In my experience, men tend to be more accepting of their bodies and don’t have the level of shame around them that many women do. Well, guess what – now men are learning that there is something wrong with them too! A local spa has been promoting hair removal for men with the slogan, “Because you’ll never hear a woman say, ‘I love a man in a fur coat.'”
I know someone who thinks her husband is totally hot – because he has a lot of body hair and is bald. To her, that is desirable and attractive. I think she would say that she DOES love a man in a fur coat! But my point is that there is a profit to be made by planting the seed that there’s somehow something wrong with us that needs to be fixed. Maybe it’s a hairy back. Maybe it’s cellulite. Maybe it’s gray hair.
Let’s raise our awareness and just say NO to profiting from cultivating shame about our bodies. Let’s celebrate natural beauty, and be grateful for all the gifts our bodies give us. When you think about it, it’s really quite miraculous!
Katherine Woodward Thomas starts a live online Calling in “the One” course this evening. I’m a Certified Calling in “the One” coach and I know how valuable this program is. I have to admit that I feel a little uncomfortable with the claim “7 weeks to attract the love of your life.” In the marketing it is implied that if you take this course, you will find your true love right away. When I work with people, I like to clarify this a bit. I can’t guarantee that you will find the love of your life in 7 weeks if you mean a beloved partner. What you will gain after 7 weeks of this work is a much deeper insight into yourself. You will learn more about your limiting attitudes and beliefs, you’ll learn some great communication skills and you will be much better prepared for love. Yes, you will attract the love of your life… and the love of your life is YOU!